Walking 500 Miles to Find Yourself
The Camino de Norte is a very silent walk, not many people along the rolling hills, cliffs, and coastal towns. So, as I began the hike, I asked a good friend of mine what I should consider as I walk. He suggested I ponder: who am I?
…which warranted an eye roll from me. Isn’t who we are just a fact? Is it truly something that we must dwell upon to determine? Is it consistent or changing? Does our will truly shape our person? Or do we discover ourselves…
And so I began to skip down the rabbit trail of the mind.
Who am I?
Why is it important to ask this question? In particular in the United States, our competitive educational and economic society drives us to derive our worth and identity from productivity and output.
Which warps this vital question into: What can I do?
The influence of this subtle change on people’s psyche became evident in the conversations I had along the Camino.
Many of the people I met were hiking the 500 miles to rediscover themselves — their purpose — due to a life-changing event: a broken engagement, a realization that they hate their work, a mental breakdown, or a family crisis.
In other words, all they had known — What they knew to be true. What they placed their worth in — had fallen apart.
That’s the moment you realize that you really don’t know who you are. You know what you can do.
Think of it this way: When you go on a first date, what do you usually want to communicate right away? "I do photography. I enjoy dancing. I like to travel. I study law."
Pause.
The list is usually all the things you do. But even more deeply, these are the things you place your worth in.
In Zendaya’s recent movie, The Challengers, (which I do not recommend, by the way), the main character rests her entire identity in her sport, tennis. When an injury takes her out of the competition for life, she does not know how to exist apart from the sport and her contempt for herself — since she cannot play — leaks into her relationships.
Because her identity was so intimately tied up in her sport. Her skill. What she could do.
Until it was gone.
In our lives, losing something we didn’t realize we had woven deeply, innately into our identity is devastating. But it is difficult to recognize what you place your worth in until it is taken away. You can be dating the guy or girl of your dreams, and not realize that you are putting all your worth in that successful relationship until it falls apart.
Or perhaps you put your worth in your education. “I’m smart. I get straight As.” Which is fine, until you get that B or C. Then your world comes crashing down. If that was what you were placing your worth in.
You may say, "Hey Emma. I don’t do that. I know myself."
What if your parents sent you a text today saying, “We’re disappointed in your choices” or your girlfriend “We need to break up.” Or a phone call, “You’re fired.” Or a dear friend, “I feel undervalued…” Or a trusted friend saying, “You’re making a poor decision.” Those things you believed were truths about yourself, I am brave, confident, a good friend, a good student, a good son or daughter… suddenly feel to fall apart.
What would you do?
Would you go walk 500 miles to think it through?
Who am I?
Many of the people I met along the way were reading the same book, The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho.
The story of The Alchemist is one of finding out who you are. It follows a young shepherd boy who leaves his hometown in pursuit of his “personal legend,” but ultimately, he ends up back there, realizing he has to look inward instead of outward to find contentment and fulfillment.
The text pulls quotes almost straight from some of Coelho’s inspirations, including Bhudda “When you want something, all the universe conspires to help you achieve it.” And the Bible, “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (Matt 6:21).
I think the reason this book is such a pull for people hiking the Camino is because the main character, who is even named Santiago, is on a similar journey. The author, Paulo Coehlo actually hiked the camino a year prior to writing The Alchemist, and his experience most likely helped dictate this work.
The moral of the Camino, The Alchemist, and this article is the same: Where do you place your worth?
STARTING THE JOURNEY: WHO ARE YOU? - AN EXERCISE
Take a few minutes in prayer or in silence. You need a pen and a piece of paper. Then write down the things that make you, you.
"I am... [insert list of descriptions and adjectives]."
Come back to it later and assess: are these all things I can do or facts about me? Are they descriptions of my personality, character, person? Or are they lists of things I have accomplished? If I were to lose one of these things, this skill or characteristic, would I lose myself?
Consider how you want to replace these things. How should you define yourself? What is innately you?
"I am... a son/daughter of God. I am loved. I am delighted in. I am desirable. I am funny. I am goofy. I am clumsy. I am joyful. I am loyal..."
THEN, and this is important, practice detachment. Offering each of these things up and releasing your grip on that characteristic. “God, your will be done in my life.”
